


like never before.

by holdingnotoyou



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, DEMA (Twenty One Pilots), Fluff, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Mild Angst, Sharing Clothes, Trench Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 06:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17595887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdingnotoyou/pseuds/holdingnotoyou
Summary: (The failed escapes never stop Josh from returning, from slipping into the city, into Tyler's room.)





	like never before.

**Author's Note:**

> title from fleetwood mac's "songbird".
> 
> just a bit of fluff because i'm exhausted emotionally and there's a quote i was going to include because it inspired this idea but i'm saving it for a much grander fic. i can't make any promises that it'll pan out, though.

Tyler stirs with the morning air, long eyelashes fluttering over his cheeks as his mind is pulled back into reality. The white cotton curtains covering his window do nothing to stop the early morning sun from filtering into his small studio room, and it's a damn shame because sleep doesn't come easy these days. He could very easily pull his spare pillow over his face and bury himself back into the world of darkness, try to succumb to the sleep his body so desperately seeks but that's not an option. His spare pillow isn't a spare pillow currently, rather, it's a place for Josh to rest his head. 

Tyler blinks a few slow times as he tries to piece together the morning, tries to force himself to remember that this definitely isn't a dream; no, Josh is seriously in his bed with his arm draped around Tyler's abdomen, and no, they didn't fuck but his lips remember the feeling of Josh like they'd never stopped kissing the night before. He could kiss Josh for forever, he's sure of that. He might even get the chance one day, if they could ever escape Dema.

If Tyler could ever escape Dema. 

(The failed escapes never stop Josh from returning, from slipping into the city, into Tyler's room with the lock he always picks prior to falling into his arms without as much as a word. Tyler never has understood why Josh keeps coming back, why he doesn't just stay in Trench and _survive_ without the looming fear that entraps itself in the bones of those in Dema.)

His limbs feel heavy, exhaustion is something that he's never quite been able to escape throughout his time in this place. It gets worse with every failed perimeter escape; he's ninety-percent sure every time that he's captured, he's pumped full of something that's _supposed_ to make him obedient. As long as Josh is around, though, Tyler doesn't believe he could ever be obedient to the Bishops. His mind will never settle for blind praise he must give to remain Holy. He can't settle because he has to escape; it's the one thing he has left, Josh. Josh is the lifeline that keeps Tyler clinging on, and no matter how many times Tyler is captured, no matter how often they'll try to cleanse his mind of the Banditos and of Trench and of _Josh_ , Tyler will always know. Josh is branded onto Tyler's heart, an inescapable force that, even if he tried, Tyler couldn't run from.

(Also--Josh is branded onto Tyler quite literally; Tyler's thigh holds Josh's name in his love's shitty handwriting, done after a night of anxiety and poor decisions. There's not a way to get proper tattoos in Dema, the only proper way to achieve a tattoo in this place is if you arrive with it already on you. Tyler still doesn't regret it. He never could.)

Tyler shifts a bit in the bed, works his way out of Josh's arms just enough to sit up and place his feet on the cool concrete floor of his room. He stretches his arms above his head and realizes that he's almost drowning in Josh's pullover. The yellow tape isn't as constricting as Tyler had once believed and the sleeves fall over his wrists and cover his palms in the same way that they do on Josh. The thought of that alone makes a shiver run through Tyler's spine, fingers absentmindedly closing around the sleeve of the material. Tyler doesn't remember putting it on, or having it put on him, but there's a vague sense of relief that comes with wearing the article of clothing. 

He would probably call it home if that word existed within the realm of his mind. 

"What 're you doing?" The voice is hoarse with the desire of sleep, and Tyler peeks over his shoulder to meet Josh's eyes. They're hooded and heavy, although the golden honey-brown of them still holds an energy Tyler's not quite sure he'll ever be able to match. 

"'m wearing your shirt." He mumbles as if it's the answer Josh wanted, how idiotic it must sound for Josh to hear that. Josh has eyes, he can _see_ Tyler in his clothes. There's a part of Tyler that's a little worried Josh is going to tell him to take it off, that it's a little _too personal_ for Tyler to be wearing his clothes. Sure, they just slept in the same bed together and have spent a fair share of Tyler's time in Dema tiptoeing behind closed doors and rooftops and dark alleys stealing kisses, but _this_. This is intimate. Tyler's not sure if he can be this intimate with anyone, much less someone who belongs on the outside.

He catches Josh nodding out of his peripheral vision, and Tyler wonders if before all of this, if they'd met each other in another city on the outside, if Josh would have longer hair that would fan out across the pillowcases. As much as Tyler likes the buzzcut that Josh is rocking unwillingly, Tyler remembers Josh telling him stories of how some of the Banditos helped him dye his hair yellow before he was captured again. The Bishops had more or less forced Josh to shave his head; that type of creative expression wasn't allowed within the confines of the walls. Where the Bishops couldn't see yellow, they knew that Josh's rebellious act would come in the form of his murky-colored hair. Tyler doesn't know why he keeps coming back after escaping. 

Josh says it's because of _Tyler_ , that he can't let Tyler rot in a place like this. Josh says it's because Tyler has potential to be a leader, to be the next Clancy. Tyler tells Josh to shut up without words, silences him with his lips and doesn't tell Josh that Clancy is just another version of the person Tyler is. They come from the same vein of humanity, one that Josh wasn't taken from and that's why he can keep finding freedom. People like Tyler and Clancy, they're never going to have that. Tyler figures that's why he has Josh, why he keeps coming back to Josh. Why Josh keeps being drawn back to _him_. Josh gives him that taste of freedom even if he can't have it himself, and that might as well be as good as the real thing. 

"I would say keep it, but 's kind of the only jacket I have right now." Josh replies after a long moment, hand moving to curl around Tyler's hip. "Don't go anywhere." It's a quiet plea for domestication, for normality. They don't get much, if any, normalcy around Dema. It's impossible between the Watchers and the Bishops to express any kind of affection toward one-another. Josh and Tyler only exist within the confines of these four walls, shitty curtains drawn shut to keep prying eyes as far away as possible. It's why Tyler succumbs to Josh's touch so easily, settling back into the sheets and into Josh's arms. "You should wear it for now, though."

"Didn't have any intention of taking it off," Tyler murmurs and Josh laughs quietly, burying his face into the crook of Tyler's neck. His lips press against the skin there, nose brushing against Tyler's skin as he presses a few slow kisses against Tyler's skin like there's nothing else that matters to him in the world. Tyler's heart twists in his chest and he hums, bringing a hand up to the back of Josh's neck. "Are you going to stay for a little bit?"

Josh nods, picking his head up just enough to meet Tyler's gaze. "Couple of hours, I'll slip out of the walls when the Bishops and the Watchmen meet briefly in the early afternoon." Tyler reciprocates the nod and turns his gaze to the ceiling, the same concrete ceiling he'd been staring at hours earlier as he willed his body to sleep. "I'm not sure I'll be able to come back for a couple of days." Josh's voice is soft and Tyler avoids meeting his gaze.

It's always horrid when Josh has to disappear for more than a day or two at a time but it's dangerous, especially when it comes to Tyler. Nico is always looming somewhere in the shadows, watching his pupil's every movements. The longest Josh had been gone was two and a half months, based off of the tally's Tyler carved into the bedpost at the foot of his bed after each sunset. "Yeah, okay. I'll just see you when you come back." 

Josh's hand curls around Tyler's jaw and tips his face down so that Tyler has no choice but to actually _look_ at him. "I _will_ be back, Tyler." Tyler's glad that Josh substituted his usual _for you_ with Tyler's name; he doesn't like when Josh claims he'll be back for Tyler specifically. It's mostly due to the fact that he doesn't want to give Josh any false hope that their next escape attempt will be the one that works for Tyler. He knows that it won't.

"Okay." Tyler's voice is soft and he believes Josh, he could never not believe Josh. Everything about Josh is good, Josh keeps his promises and doesn't just tell Tyler what he wants to hear. Tyler knows that if Josh says he'll be back, he _will_. He just doesn't know in what capacity. There's a twisted idea rooted in the center of Tyler's brain that if the Bishops caught Josh again, Tyler would be forced to watch Josh die. He knows that wouldn't happen, not realistically, because the Bishops don't want to kill. They just want to control. It doesn't stop Tyler from fearing for the worst. 

Josh shifts a bit, leaning on his elbow as he gazes down at Tyler. "We have a couple more hours," He muses, fingers moving beneath the material of his sweatshirt and pressing into Tyler's skin. Where Tyler would usually jump to be with Josh, to become an awkward mess of limbs and mouths and moans, it feels different this time. He feels different. Tyler doesn't feel much when Josh is away, and this feeling - this intimacy that they're sharing, the intimacy that Tyler's _wearing_ , he needs to clutch onto it until he can have it again.

"I-" He clenches his jaw a bit, head tipping up to look at Josh as he brings his hand to rest over Josh's through the material of the sweatshirt. "Can we lay here for a bit?" He asks as he tries not to focus on the way the earthy-green material slides over his wrist and covers his palm, adding another layer between his and Josh's hands. "'m sorry, I'm just... Tired." Tired and full of nervous energy, one that cements him to the position he's in and doesn't allow him to move. He figures any movement from his limbs is muscle memory, his brain is half-detached from this faux reality they've created for themselves over a _sweatshirt_ of all things. His head is swimming and he feels like everything is moving in slow motion in a way, at least, everything but Josh. 

"'Course," Josh hums as he settles into a comfortable position with his head tucked against Tyler's shoulder. His hand is still lost beneath the cotton material of the sweatshirt, absentmindedly tracing over the tattooed skin of Tyler's chest in the exact spot that each tattoo is. Josh quite possibly knows Tyler's body better than Tyler himself does at this point, and it's both heart-wrenching and lovely. There's a part of Tyler that reminds him that he's known Josh a lot longer than he thinks he has, even outside of Dema. There are lifetimes of Josh and Tyler together, he's sure of it. There's no way that this type of familiarity could come from knowing someone once.

Tyler doesn't move for what feels like hours, his body refusing to acknowledge the fact that Josh will have to leave sooner if he does anything. He has a naïve, childish hope that time will stand still so long as he does. It's not until Josh is shifting and murmuring about how he should probably get ready to leave that Tyler realizes hoping is a dreadful thing within the confines of Dema. He should've known better than to even think about trying. As he's crawling over Tyler's body to reach the floor, Josh tells Tyler about how he should only be away for a couple of days, "I can't imagine that they'd need me for any longer than that. Just have to make sure the peace is being kept. So long as the place isn't in flames by the time I get there, I should be able to be back here with you by early next week." 

"Are you sure you don't want to stay?" Tyler finally sits up, breathing out slowly as his body finally adjusts to the idea of movement. There's an ache settled deep in the center of his chest and Tyler does his best to not focus on Josh as he speaks. It happens like this every time, the feeling of loss growing beyond belief as Josh gets ready to escape again. To leave Tyler.

"With you?" A look of confusion crosses Josh's expression as he works on lacing his boots up, and Tyler doesn't have the time to think about how weird it is that Josh didn't slip his sweatshirt on immediately. It's generally the first thing Josh does if he'd even taken it off at all during their time spent together. All Tyler has time to think about how he doesn't want to let go of the article of clothing just yet. "You know I can't."

"I know. Not me. I meant the Banditos." 

Josh entertains the idea with only a scoff moments prior to crowding Tyler's space, fingers slipping beneath the material of the sweatshirt once more as he slides it up and over Tyler's head with a practiced ease. He pulls it over his own head, adjusting it over his clothes before his hands find the sides of Tyler's face. He gives Tyler a look that's met with encouragement as he finally leans in, pressing a searing kiss against Tyler's lips. Tyler leans into the kiss, reaching up to place his hands over Josh's with a whimper as Josh's tongue slips into his mouth. He lets Josh kiss him for a few long moments until they physically can't anymore, until Tyler's fingernails are digging into the skin of Josh's hands as a plea for air and a refusal to stop. He sighs at the loss of Josh's mouth against his the moment it's gone, glancing up at Josh above him like he's the only person on the face of the planet.

He might as well be. 

"I'll be back in a couple of days." Tyler nods as Josh speaks, leaning forward to press another brisk kiss against Josh's lips before Josh can slip away. He watches as Josh dons his backpack and double-checks that he's not leaving anything of value behind - he trusts Tyler, he just doesn't trust anyone else that may root through Tyler's room while he's away at work. "I'll see you soon, Ty. Don't be stupid while I'm away." It's a thinly veiled admission of something more, something that lingers in Tyler's chest even as Josh disappears through his door with his head down and his fingers clutched tightly around the bunched up material in his palms. 

He doesn't say anything back, doesn't offer Josh a shitty excuse for _I love you too_ in return. It's easier to not say anything at all, mostly because he knows he'll see Josh again. There's no room for doubt that he won't see Josh again, as Tyler knows the moment he starts to doubt Josh is the moment that things change in a way he's not sure he'll be able to recover from. He becomes weaker without Josh's strength to keep him upright, and he can't allow himself to falter anymore than he already has. 

Just a few more days and he'll see Josh again, he'll hold Josh and allow himself to feel something other than anger and guilt and terror. He can survive a few more days, he's always been able to so long as Josh is on the other end of them. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm still trying to learn how to write dema in a way that seems reflective of the place while interpreting it in my own way, but i took a good chunk of inspo for the place from ella's fic [nine lives](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15948425), which is a fucking work of art that everyone should read.
> 
> reach me on [tumblr](http://clancies.tumblr.com).


End file.
